Allison Thurman

self-promotion vs. impostor syndrome: the never-ending conflict

I’ve grown disturbingly comfortable with talking myself up.

I say “disturbing” because it goes against everything my inner idiot constantly mutters in the background: who cares what you think, you’re no expert and the inevitable you’re totally making this up as you go along, aren’t you?

Well, yeah, I am.

I go through the motions and try not to think about it. Fence, sew, write like I know what I’m doing to trick myself into being the expert I’m pretending to be. On very good days I believe it, but every misstep is a cue for the inner idiot to hiss in my ear again.

It’s called “impostor syndrome” and I provide no links as you all know how to Google. The job search has me bumping up against it even more than usual.

Promoting the as-yet-unfinished book (and by extension, myself) is extra practice at silencing the inner idiot so I can get through interviews without sweating through my suit.

So, as in every other facet of my life, practice makes perfect (or, at least, better). Anyone else out there feel like they’re just winging it through life? How do you get through that?

biweekly links 9-7-2016

Mixed bag this week:

Montgomery County Student Awarded for Historical Fiction Graphic Novel – local (to me) high schooler awarded a scholarship to complete his graphic novel about Holocaust survivors. Serious stories like these can be effectively told through this format – John Lewis’ “March” series springs to mind. Will be interested to see how this turns out.
Historical Fiction Novel “The Eighth Day Brotherhood” Explores Art and the Occult in 1880s Paris – one of many novels about nineteenth century spiritualism that seem to be all over the place, but the addition of art moves it to the top of my “looking forward to” list.
Glam Rock & Yorkshire Occult: The Making Of Ben Myers’ “Turning Blue” – Myers’ own account of how he combined wildly disparate influences into a novel that sounds eerie as hell.
Exorcism and the Development of Ritual Magic (login required) – paper presented at the Birkbeck University of London’s Early Modern Philosophy and the Scientific Imagination forum in 2015. EMPHASIS’ other offerings are worth a look as well.

horny devils: the vejigante of Puerto Rico

I am fresh from a week’s vacation in Puerto Rico! Save some fencing, I did very little save read, rest, and walk around Ponce’s historic downtown. The weather was gloriously warm, the food excellent, the company better, and the rest much-needed.

Needless to say I ran into neither USOs, nor the chupacabras of cryptozoological lore (though there were iguanas, many iguanas) because weird stuff doesn’t happen to me. But I did get a taste of Puerto Rican folklore at the Pan Am Championships’ opening ceremony:

three dancers in brightly colored robes and horned masks in sports stadium — Vejigantes on the piste. Author’s own.

These colorful critters are vejigantes (bay-he-GAHN-tay), a sort of all-purpose demon (or family of demons) that evolved out of the meeting of Spanish, African, and native Taíno cultures.

A quick whip around the web reveals the name comes from “vejiga” (Spanish for cow bladder) and “gigante” (giant) in reference to the dried, seed-filled cow bladders they use as “weapons” at festivals like the annual Carnaval Ponceño.

Most striking are the masks (careta) made of papier-mâché and/or coconut husks. Colors and patterns vary by geography (those above are from Ponce) but bright colors, teeth, and horns seem to be constants. This long-standing folk art is specific to Puerto Rico, and though how-tos (PDF) abound I suspect they don’t stick to traditional methods.

Examples of varying quality were on sale everywhere, in every size from fridge-magnet-small to half my height! I could only get this ~4″ sample home, it’s spiky horns protected inside the hard shell of my fencing mask:

Small black, green, yellow, and red mask with pointed open mouth and five horns — My Ponce souvenir

The man who sold this to me said it represents the wife of the “main” vejigante. I haven’t found any list of characters or their relationships so far and it frustrates me that I’m ignorant of the stories behind the imagery. The temptation to research is great but unavailability of info may be for the best – I have no business doing new research when The Novel is still in progress.

biweekly links 8-24-2016

Series Of Old Magic Spells Discovered In Serbia – these 2000 year old spells engraved on tiny silver and gold scrolls are delicate and beautiful but translation is incomplete as of yet.
How Witchcraft On Facebook Is Helping People Grieve – spells cast through Facebook Live. The author found her online ritual unsatisfying but allows that others may find solace in online pagan communities.
A Huddersfield witchcraft shop has banned Harry Potter fans because wands aren’t toys – originally I thought the shopkeeper a snob but then had it pointed out to me that wands are the ritual objects of a genuine faith. Thoughts?
Bad Witch Workout Is Where Squats and Spells Go Hand in Hand – while some parts I don’t get (makeup while working out??) the bit about “so many exercise classes…feel alienating if you’re a weirdo or a goth or a punk-rock kid or a riot girl or a feminist” does sound familiar. Workouts for the weird with a dose of spirituality can’t be a bad thing.

writing and the day job

I don’t talk much about my day job online.

It’s a deliberate decision. My 9-5 has nothing to do with writing and I don’t like discussing private office goings-on in a public place. Nonetheless, the day job does affect the writing and likely always will.

This doesn’t surprise me. Only award winners and best sellers stand a chance of making a living purely for their art and even some of them keep day jobs: Hugo award winner Kameron Hurley has been unusually candid about her earnings. Which is all cool – I didn’t get into this to get rich. But it does mean that when something happens to the day job I have to divert attention from the writing.

My current contract is up in October, so I find myself seeking new employment for the first time in fifteen years. No matter how convenient it is to apply with a mouse click I still have to check listings, tailor the resume, interview, return emails etc.

Short version: it uses my writing time. Which is somewhat vexing, but very necessary. I’m more creative when I’ve got a regular income to keep the lights on and food on the table.

This also means I won’t have time to blog as I’d like – hence last week’s warning that I might go silent.

8-10-2016 biweekly links: the writing edition

Changes in my day job dictate that I’m spending much of my usual writing time looking for my next gig. Blogging may be sparse, but I’ll try to post bits when I can.

For this week, I share some of my favorite writing and writing business websites:

We Are Not Alone: Kristen Lamb – Lamb’s focus is author branding through social media, and she makes her case with tough but snarky posts. Her Good Girls Don’t Become Best-Sellers helped me get a lot more comfortable with talking myself up. Lots of good info here on promotion, writing, and writer self-care to prevent burnout.
Terrible Minds – Chuck Wendig – Frames writing advice in a rude, wildly funny manner. Includes “Five Things I learned Writing” guest posts and flash fiction challenges. Check out his writing books (more linked below the fold) for solid advice made hilarious.
Helping Writers Become Authors – K.M. Weiland – A kinder, gentler writing blogger, I’ve found her story structure posts (all in the left nav) invaluable for ironing out the kinks in my novel. As a big fan of the Marvel cinematic universe her Dos and Don’ts of Storytelling According to Marvel series (all posts to date linked at the end; more to come) frames story problems with examples I’m familiar with.
Writing Excuses – the long-running podcast offers 15 minute episodes with guests, writing prompts, and golden advice on all aspects of the writing business – check their tag cloud. I may put the Impostor Syndrome episode on repeat! There’s even a transcript site if you can’t listen.

quality weird

Much as I love me some weird, I’m cautious about what I consume. I seldom have time to read up on the latest historic mysteries and odd sightings, and even less to winnow out the wheat from the chaff.

Internet to the rescue, and I don’t mean leaning on Wikipedia or [insert true believer or paranoid ranter here]:

Project Archivist (podcast): Roejen and Lobo are open-minded but analytical, with an astounding variety of guests on all manner of strange and unusual topics. Recent episodes (they’re soon to celebrate their 200th!) include found audio of people chased by UFOs and weird/occult travel destinations.
Astonishing Legends (podcast): a recent discovery, these guys are skeptical and thorough – if you’re interested in the Tamam Shud/Somerton Man case check out their 4 parter under “Mysterious Deaths”.
UFO Trail (blog): “credible info on incredible topics” like the Emma Woods alien abduction scandal and Carol Rainey’s expose of Budd Hopkins. Jack Brewer is uncompromising in his criticism of the failures of the UFO community and their research.
#FolkloreThursday (Twitter search): always certain to include choice myths like vampire fruit and Cornish owl men, as well as archaeological oddities and traditions from around the world.

Do you have anything I should check out? Please share in the comments!

biweekly links 7-27-2016 – the archaeology edition

Don’t have weird. Have some science:

‘Witch’ Prison Revealed in 15th-Century Scottish Chapel – church authorities imprisoned 24 accused witches in both the chapel and the steeple during Aberdeen’s Great Witch Hunt of 1597. More images of the church and associated archaeological dig.
Cave discoveries shed new light on Native and European religious encounters in the Americas – Latin and Spanish inscriptions sit side by side with indigenous iconography dating to the sixteenth century in a Caribbean cave. Detailed photos from the joint British Museum/University of Leicester dig.
Archaeologists find elusive 16th century Spanish fort on Parris Island – long-lost Fort San Marcos found in what is now South Carolina using ground-penetrating radar and other new tech.
Trials and errors in search of mineral wealth: metallurgical experiments in early colonial Jamestown (Academia.edu; login required) – Jamestown settlers searched not only gold for but zinc and other ores. Spoiler alert: the crucibles and other equipment didn’t appear used, suggesting they didn’t find what they were looking for. An informative find nonetheless.

structure and the leaky plot

ship as drawn by John Dee in the margin of one of his books — One of Dee’s marginal doodles, shown in the Royal College of Physicians exhibit “Scholar, courtier, magician: the lost library of John Dee”. More about the exhibit design here, including the joyous news that there will be an exhibition catalog.

Keeping it short this week because I’m up to my knees in story slurry.

The plot fell apart once I got put everyone on a boat to the continent. Effects with nonexistent causes abound, stuff happens without consequences, and useless character tail-chasing brings the action to a crashing halt.

So many craft books talk about the pitfalls of the “mushy middle” but I honestly thought that the sheer amount of stuff I have to cram into the second act would prevent it happening to me. Yet somehow boring departures/arrivals, exposition, and wheel-spinning are all in there and I have to hack them out.

This thing may never map out to a predictable plot structure but A must lead to B because C and have D lingering effects. Trying to include all the facts only left me with enough red herrings to stock a fishery and I’m having to cut out every one to avoid confusing the reader. I’m re-outlining to clarify themes and character arcs, which probably adds as much new junk as I’m cutting out.

The book’s taking a new shape I can’t define yet, but taking this wider view has already answered some long-standing plot questions. Repeated “edit-edit-edit, walk away” cycles tend to make fixes obvious, to the point that I can almost feel when another bit is about to snap into place.

Has anyone else experienced slump in the middle of your WIP? How did you straggle through?

biweekly links 7-13-2016

Author Anna Kaling found me through Twitter and we twitted about our mutual love for the strange and unknown. She invited me to guest blog about Nessie, my great childhood love and how could I say no? Her WIP takes place at Loch Ness and I can’t wait to see how it turns out!
The only fair use image of the Notorious LNM I could find is an acknowledged hoax. Courtesy Wikipedia.
Cosplaying 16th century Holy Roman Emperor Charles V is a thing – at least during the Ommegang parade, held yearly in Brussels to commemorate his 1549 visit. Part of the larger Carolus V Festival, the parade appears to show dragons, stilt-walkers, and all manner of medieval-ish costume.
Hamilton is fanfic, and its historical critics are totally missing the point – I finally listened to the “Hamilton” soundtrack. I’m not “Greatest. Thing. EVAR!!!!” fervent, but I enjoyed it. Ear wormy songs make things like the Federalist Papers and John Adams election memorable and fun. This article frames the musical as fan fiction of canonical history and I can see the argument. Thoughts?
How acceptable is artistic licence in history entertainment? – ask this question and you’ll get a million different answers. I’m always tickled when correct details reveal research as thorough (pedantic?) as my own. At the same time historians have biases and new information is discovered all the time, making “historical accuracy” a constantly moving target. Still, I’d weep if something as over-the-top as The Tudors tried to pass itself off as a quasi-documentary.