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Boosting my Bio for Pitchwars

In the spirit of participating in the Pitchwars mentorship contest, I’m going to share a bit about how casual writer like me came to be hammering out a full-on novel about an obscure sixteenth-century charlatan/mystic.

I’ve always written. I filled out a childhood diary every day whether anything happened or not and kept a sketchbook during my teenage years. By college, I was writing the occasional record review for the school paper and enrolled in the journalism program.

Kermit the Frog typing frantically

Keep in mind all of this was non-fiction writing. Growing up I read mostly history and weird stuff (UFOs, ghosts, cryptozoology). Ideally, both, when I could find them.

Clip from Dr. Terrible's House of Horrible: We do the weird stuff!

As such, I encountered John Dee fairly early, or at least the cliché/legend: a pious genius conned into letting mustache-twirling villain sleep with his wife or obsessed magus willing to trade his wife’s virtue for magical power. I found it interesting but not noteworthy, as nothing genuinely weird was going on.

Or was it?

Leonard Nimoy's Spock raising his eyebrow

I encountered Dee again in a biography of the “mad” Emperor Rudolf II, who collected alchemists, scholars, and charlatans from everywhere. I learned that Dee and Kelley were in each other’s pockets through seven years and at least as many countries. Huh. So, an incredible con if Kelley managed to keep Dee snowed for seven years.

Or maybe not so incredible, because Kelley tried to leave several times. Unsuccessfully, even though one would think that asking to sleep with the boss’ wife would be a sure route to being fired.

So then I got a biography of Dee and went down the research rabbit hole. I came to two conclusions:

  1. Something more than simple con artistry was going on with Kelley, making him more interesting than Dee by far.
  2. Dee must have been a pain in the ass to live with.

So why am I not writing a straight-up biography of Kelley? Because I’m not a historian, so there’s nothing I can add to that conversation. I’m not even a journalist, having switched from journalism to fashion merchandising my junior year (another story, for another time).

But I can make stuff up.

Dr. Evil holding his pinky to his lip

Because over the years I did discover fiction, both reading and writing. The latter mostly in the form of fanfic, first for myself and then for friends. A way to have fun with other fans, but nothing serious. Nothing original, and nothing that would make sense anyway outside the in-jokes of particular fandoms.

And then the Kelley bug bit me, and I found that fanfic had inadvertently been my first training ground for fiction writing.

So I wrote “Fool’s Gold” (a lousy name, and subject to change): Kelley as a con artist who got in over his head and started hearing voices, Dee as an obsessive who bulldozed everyone in his path, and Jane Dee as an overworked, stressed-out wife with (justified) anger management issues. It’s speculative, filling in historical holes. It’s creepy, with seances and spirits. It’s ambiguous, because those spirits might be angels, demons, Kelley’s imagination, or something else. It’s got necromancy, heresy, sexual tension, and uneasy alliances.

Stefon: This place is gonna have everything: ghosts, ghouls,m goblins, my son.

I’ve learned craft over the five years in which I wrote this. Classes, conferences, and a critique group helped me herd “Fool’s Gold” through 3+ edits. I think it’s a good, solid manuscript, good enough to query, as good as I can make it. But, I’ve reached the limits of my own abilities and resources, which is why I’m seeking mentorship through Pitchwars.

Maybe nothing will come of it. Maybe I’ll discover that “Fool’s Gold” is just a learning exercise that belongs in the bottom of a drawer. Maybe I’ll unravel the problems I have with it myself. Or maybe something I can use to become a better writer, of this book and those that follow.

All they can tell me is “no”, right?

 

biweekly links 9/11/2019

Author Paints Colorful Picture of JFK Assassination Conspirator in Debut Historical Novel: I’m unclear on the author’s take—is he promoting a conspiracy theory, or condemning conspiracy theorist Jim Garrison’s pursuit of his protagonist—but David Ferrie’s life certainly sounds like one that would lend itself to fictionalization.

The Czechoslovak Occultist Plot to Kill Hitler by Magic: while not the only alleged magical attack on Hitler, Jan Kefer’s efforts in 1938 may be the earliest. This article presents a nice snapshot of late 19th/early 20th century Prague occultism, but I wish it had references.

Prague 1606 / Multimedia view of Prague during the Rule of Rudolf II: speaking of the Czech Republic, I think I got a poster of Sadeler’s copperplate on my 2015 trip to Prague but it’s not 9 meters long or animated, so I think this City of Prague Museum exhibit might be worth checking out.

view of the City of Prague etching by Philip van den Bossche based on Sadeler
A feeble, web ready fragment of Sadeler’s Prague. Courtesy Wikipedia.
Area 51 is bracing for humans: Officials fear ‘Alienstock’ could cause county in Nevada to ‘go broke‘: I’m a bit fuzzy on whether “storm Area 51” is still happening: Alienstock’s website says yes and the Little A’Le’Inn is booked solid but Rachel NV’s website says it’s been cancelled altogether. Whatever ultimately ends up happening, this article illuminates the negative effect of UFO-themed tourism on a small community that is ill-equipped to handle so many visitors.

what’s my motivation?

I’m writing a short story. The premise of “chupacabra in Rudolf II’s court” just wouldn’t leave me alone. So I thought I’d tame the plot bunny, practice writing an (original) short story, and work out my writing muscles between books*.

But when I sat down to write it I couldn’t make it go anywhere. I described the setting. I described the chupacabra. I walked my protagonist and the chupacabra through different scenarios. I even tried naming them**. I couldn’t get any of it to cohere into something resembling a plot.

So I turned to Oblique Strategies, a card deck/randomizer developed by Brian Eno in the 1970s to help him unwind creative snags. I got “Remove ambiguities and convert to specifics”.  Frustratingly vague, but enough to shatter my rigid mind.

So I noodled with specific mannerisms for my protagonist: rubbing his eyes, tugging his doublet, smoothing his (thinning hair). But what in his personality would make him do any of these?

Is he tired? Fussy about his clothing (or does it not fit)? Why do I imagine him with thinning hair? Why do I imagine him as a “he”***?

Ryan Reynolds in scrubs saying

So that got me thinking about his personality, and what would lead someone of his inclinations and situation to rub his eyes, smooth his clothes, and drag a potentially deadly creature across Europe to give to an Emperor.

Which gets into backstory, because why would anyone travel with a chupacabra (threats? Prestige? Serious money? A death wish?) Which brought me back to:

The story is always about people (or aliens/animals/something standing in for people) and what motivates them, and how they act in situations they encounter or seek out. I couldn’t begin to get at a plot until I had at least some idea of character.

So now the story is moving along, if not perfectly at least better.

Don’t know what I’ll finally do with this thing – maybe it’ll just sit on my hard drive forever. But it continues to be a useful exercise.

*I’ve started research for the new book. No spoilers but I’m feeding the muse.

**Good thing I based my first novel on real people because I can’t name a damn thing. Thank doG for Scrivener’s Name Generator function.

***I already know the answer to this one: the story takes place in the sixteenth century and regrettably in most historical times and places (hell, even today) men had more freedom of movement than women.

biweekly links 8-28-2019

Dirt Roads to Dreamland: 51 Trips to Area 51: the writer was visiting Area 51 before it was cool – and before the 1995 land grab of the main vantage points that made this secret base even more dangerous and difficult to access.

Brilliant Visions: Peyote among the Aesthetes: lest you think magic mushrooms were strictly a hippie thing, be advised that they also enjoyed a vogue with late 19th century artists and writers.

Manuscript Reveals How Medieval Nun, Joan of Leeds, Faked Her Own Death to Escape the Convent: what it says on the tin. And it’s thanks to the University of York’s Northern Way project that we’re aware of it, as they’re making the original manuscripts available online.

the inevitable

My querying is really rolling now. Know how I can tell? I got my first rejections.

Hand with stamp with big red letters REJECTED hammering down repeatedly on a piece of paper

“Pleased” isn’t exactly the word – every query goes out with the hope of success. I can’t even say I’m relieved, which given that I hate not knowing where I stand is a novel experience.

But I feel like I’ve passed some kind of writerly milestone. It’s one thing to write for myself, another to share it with people I know, but sending it out into the world for a chance at having it be a printed and bound book I can put on a shelf seems a step beyond.

Rejection is part of the process. Just as I can’t fence hoping to medal/make gold every time, I can’t expect every query to end in offers of representation. Most of them won’t.

I just hope I can maintain my good humor as the rejections stack up.

biweekly links 8-14-2019

Bloodstained ice axe used to kill Trotsky emerges after decades in the shadows: it bothers me that the previous custodian of the axe didn’t permit DNA testing for authentication, but it sounds like the current owner found a persuasive paper trail.

Epstein death brings birth of mainstream conspiracy theories: don’t know about your social media, but speculation about what “really” happened started from the word go.  Evidently no one trusts the mainstream media anymore but in this case everyone appears to be overthinking the matter: Epstein was incarcerated in a filthy, dangerous prison and realized no amount of cash or connections would get him off the hook this time. Not sorry to see him go, but disgusted that he avoided justice.

Bernie Sanders Pledges to Release Any Information About Aliens If He’s Elected in 2020: Report: well, not exactly. For those keeping track, Carter and both Clintons hinted at Disclosure™ (plus that weird fixation Reagan had with alien invasion) and nada. Besides, of all the issues for the 2020 election the existence or not of extraterrestrials is so low on my list as to not even rate.

summer sewing project

my Remember that fabric I posted a few months ago? This is what I’m doing with it:

closeup of threaded needle in fabric, very small stitches
By hand. It’s the only way. These photos don’t do the color justice.
rows and rows of gathering stitches on wrinkled fabric
Every 4 inches. 8 yards to go…

I’m trying to make a mock Fortuny Delphos gown, this time out of silk. I made one years ago out of polyester because heat-set pleats stay in synthetic fabrics, but it’s rather stiff and doesn’t have the same flowing drape as silk.

coiled and twisted green fabric with many tiny pleats
Pretty, but just not the same. Photo author’s own.
old Threads magazine article on how to make mock Fortuny pleats: Gather fabric at both ends, pull gathering threads taut, soak the fabric, twist, and dry in the microwave
My technique, but I’m taking it up to 11. Via Pinterest.

It’s time consuming because to ensure the gathering threads won’t catch the fabric they have to be done by hand, and to ensure tight pleats throughout I need more gathering threads than just the ends. This costumer gathered every 4 inches or so and got fantastic results, though I think she used a drying technique that involved hair perm solution, to make the pleats stay. I think this would irritate my skin so I’m doing it Fortuny’s way (or what we think was Fortuny’s way – the patent images are vague, probably deliberately) – which means if I ever wash it I repleat, by hand, every 4″.

I’ve loved Fortuny gowns since I was a teenager. I’ve even “visited” garments behind the scenes trying to figure out how they were pleated and assembled. The theory I’m working with was that the pleating was performed first, then the fabric panels sewn together by hand.

I’ll let y’all know how it goes.

biweekly links 7-31-2019: the Soviet/Space Race edition

Pulled less from recent news and more from my current recreational reading:

Grab your Geiger counter: a trip to Chernobyl’s first rave: Actually more of an art installation, this article is from last fall but given the fresh interest created by the new HBO miniseries I thought it reasonable to include today. I’ve not seen the miniseries (no HBO, besides I doubt I could endure the “puppy scene”) but I’ve had a morbid interest in the catastrophe for years. I recently listened to the podcast [YouTube] about the show, and read the exhaustively detailed Midnight in Chernobyl. I also found a huge deck of photos at Imgur (warning: photos of radiation burns and mutated animals in the last third of the page). Though far from expert, I say with confidence that raving in Chernobyl is still probably a bad idea.

Detailed diagram of the Chernobyl reactor after the explosion taken from the Imgur set above. Drawings like this help me better envision what I read about in “Midnight In Chernobyl”.

What we know about Ron D. Moore’s For All Mankind so far: What if the Soviet Union had beaten the U.S. to the moon? The Space Race would have continued, aiming to be the first to Mars, Saturn, etc. Or at least according to Ron. D. Moore it would. I’m not sure what to make of this – on the one hand I love alternate history, on the other I can’t help but think the series is cynically timed to coincide with the Apollo 11 anniversary.

The Haunting Mystery of the USSR’s Lost Cosmonauts: How is it possible that a conspiracy theory that’s been around long enough for the Smithsonian to address it is something I’m only hearing about now? And from a nail-bitingly intense work of fiction rather than my usual weird sources, curiously enough. I think if the Soviet Union put people in space that they lost they would certainly have lied about it. I just doubt they could have kept it secret after the fall of the USSR. What do you think?

 

On Apollo 11

I was not alive for the Apollo 11 landing.

So I don’t remember seeing it on tv in real time. But I remember a book about the Apollo rockets we had when I was very small that I read until it was worn out, so I was clearly impressed as a child. As an adult, I dropped the ball on attending any of the 50thanniversary celebratory events – it was too damn hot, and I was tired. So consider this post my feeble, late addition to the festivities.

For the past week I’ve been listening to documentaries on the Apollo program (hey, work is the only time I have to do this – I can’t watch, I can only listen). Fifty years on the technology still blows me away – an entire industry and science of space travel had to be invented within 10(!) years to meet Kennedy’s deadline. The spacesuits alone are masterpieces of high tech and high craftsmanship. But it’s not just the inventiveness, tenacity, and ambition of everyone involved in the Apollo missions that thrills me, but also the incredible amount of goodwill the successful landing generated around the world. 

Every documentary includes people from the astronauts’ publicity tours congratulating them because “we did it” – as in “we”, the entire human species, succeeded. And despite clichés about how humbling it is to see the smallness and frailty of our little blue planet from outside, for one shining moment it felt like the whole of humanity was in something together.

Human beings do a lot of stupid, mean-spirited, destructive things, but Apollo wasn’t one of them. Arguably it was a high point in human science and ingenuity on a global scale, and a high point of international regard for the United States in particular.

I’m saddened that the 50th anniversary of this achievement should occur when the reputation of the United States is so poor, and that paranoia and “Google University” arrogant thought prevails over informed critical thinking. We’re better than this.

the return of biweekly links: 7/17/2019

The ‘Inn in “Paul” wasn’t the real deal, but it appears they took pains to get the set right.

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